How Little Things Create Big Change
Our conversations started as obligatory 1:1s during which we covered a list of topics (and I grappled with the self-inflicted pressure of providing life-changing advice). Somewhere along the way, these meetings changed. They no longer materialized from recurring calendar invitations but instead from a genuine desire for one another's company. Our relationship transformed from one of professional commitment to one of mutual mentorship. Of friendship.
Though the change in our relationship came naturally, it didn't happen immediately. It took time. It took little things bike rides and homemade brunch. Little drops in the bucket like being dependable and making an effort. The transformation from acquaintance to friend is not an easy one, but it's well worth it.
Like building a friendship, effecting meaningful change takes time. The difference is that when it comes to change, that necessary time is more daunting than with friendship. As you stand at the starting line already knowing where you want to end up, it's difficult not to search and fall for shortcuts.
But shortcuts rarely work.
Take for example, a one-way shortcut from Nevada to San Francisco. Between 2012 and 2013, a Nevada state psychiatric facility allegedly sent one hundred homeless and mentally ill patients on one-way bus rides to San Francisco. Over the years, the state may have even sent thousands of patients out on one-way trips. While "patient-dumping" allowed for immediate change, it could not meaningfully improve Nevada's issues with homelessness and mental illness. Their change-shortcut only pushed the problem westward (and resulted in expensive legal action against the state).
Nevada's problem is a big one and not one that is isolated to Nevada. It's a big problem across the world. Even if the state intended to make some sort of meaningful change, did a feasible solution actually exist? And was one state's participation enough?
Kelly Corrigan recently asked Nick Kristof a similar question. Can people actually change the world? The problems are so big and there are so many of them. An individual contribution to these problems is just a drop in the bucket. It's unrealistic to think that any of us mortals can eradicate of them in our lifetime. Especially in any meaningful way.
Kristof didn't disagree (or agree), but instead shared an anecdote about a WWII refugee working at a French hotel after the war. One day, the refugee met an American guest affiliated with the US government. For no particular reason, the guest decided to sponsor the refugee's travel to America. While her sponsorship didn't change the global refugee problem, it did change one man's life forever. This man was Kristof's father. The anecdote shows how a little drop in the bucket makes a big difference.
Though our lives have changed so much since we first met, that friend I told you about and I still make time for one another. Yesterday we met at Crossroads Cafe. In addition to being a uniquely quaint and affordable San Francisco establishment, the cafe is a training school for people who have hit rock bottom (i.e., ex-felons and substance abusers) and need to turn their lives around. By allowing them to serve and prepare food, the cafe provides a means for these individuals to change their lives in meaningful ways.
While it doesn't single-handedly eradicate San Francisco crime, Crossroads' solution is built to last, while Nevada's busing solution just isn't.
Maybe change — personal or global — doesn't need to be as intimidating as we make it out to be. Perhaps, as Kristof suggests, in order to make meaningful change we need to think about it differently. What if we approached change the way we do prospective new friends? Neither with imposition nor avoidance, but instead with small, kind gestures. These small investments of time and effort will add up. Over time, we'll start to see that change, much like friendship, is all about the little moments.
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