And I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
I'm sure I am not alone in fearing the maxim, "Out of sight, out of mind." Could it really be that when I am not directly in front of you, you dismiss my existence? Is it our mere presence that ensures our significance? Thankfully, assuming the fight position is the contradictory statement, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
While the fact that there are two wonderful sayings to quell separation anxiety is cute and all, I'm going to cut to the chase. Which one is it?
In a 2008 study on insect matings, Harmon and colleagues found that ladybeetles isolated from the opposite sex for 1 day were 26 times more likely to mate than ladybeetles that had remained in a mixed-sex setting. Okay, so absence makes the heart grow fonder. Case closed.
Just kidding. I'm questioning the comparability of humans to this lovely species of insect as much as the next guy.
Let's take a quick look at humans. The clinking swords of these two ideas is one of the many highly debated topics of social psychology. And for good reason. We like to be able to apply the preferred postulate on a case-by-case basis.
In her exploration on the vast topic, Laura Stafford argues that while one may argue that real-life, face-to-face interaction might seem necessary for the maintenance of long-distant relationships (both romantic and platonic), technology makes it so that relationships can escape it. With infrequent interaction, we avoid the day-to-day conflicts and rifts that are natural occurrences, thus allowing the heart to grow fonder.
Okay, so the heart is growing fonder. But, the relationship is also completely dormant. You are living on a decaying foundation. As human beings, and especially as young human beings, our personalities are constantly evolving. How can you blame us? We ride the waves, the waves of change that are the 21st century, a century in which your iPod is the most recent version for a couple months tops. A 1975 study by Nahemow and Lawton lends itself to this argument. It was found that the relationships of distanced friends were founded on similarities. Inherent similarities keep the relationship alive and kicking.
So...out of sight out of mind? Not quite, again. In a study by Macrae and colleagues, it was found that thoughts have sort of a rebound effect. The more we attempt to repress a thought, the more it prevalent it makes itself in our thoughts. When something, or someone, is out of sight and we are trying not to think about them, they're on our mind more than ever. Can't feel bad about that one. If you are being physically avoided by an individual, chances are, they are completely incapable of mentally avoiding you. You're in their head. Promise.
Part of me wants not to muse over this topic any longer. If the controversy applies to a separation from a specific individual, is the friendship even strong enough for me to remain in hot pursuit? Is it worth maintaining the dormant relationship? Granted, relationships do exist in which the participants can start up the engine no matter where or when they left off. Still, it seems almost silly to fight this.
If both individuals genuinely believe that the friendship is worth not only maintaining but also nourishing, then the absence will make the heart grow fonder. The eternal spark and drive to see each other again to share inside jokes and create new ones will perpetuate the excitement and love of the relationship.
So I guess it's a two-way tie. For the strong, long-standing relationships, the heart just keeps growing fonder. It's the weaker ones that wither away when out of sight. And I'm fine with that. Because it probably wasn't worth pursuing in the first place.
While the fact that there are two wonderful sayings to quell separation anxiety is cute and all, I'm going to cut to the chase. Which one is it?
In a 2008 study on insect matings, Harmon and colleagues found that ladybeetles isolated from the opposite sex for 1 day were 26 times more likely to mate than ladybeetles that had remained in a mixed-sex setting. Okay, so absence makes the heart grow fonder. Case closed.
Just kidding. I'm questioning the comparability of humans to this lovely species of insect as much as the next guy.
Let's take a quick look at humans. The clinking swords of these two ideas is one of the many highly debated topics of social psychology. And for good reason. We like to be able to apply the preferred postulate on a case-by-case basis.
In her exploration on the vast topic, Laura Stafford argues that while one may argue that real-life, face-to-face interaction might seem necessary for the maintenance of long-distant relationships (both romantic and platonic), technology makes it so that relationships can escape it. With infrequent interaction, we avoid the day-to-day conflicts and rifts that are natural occurrences, thus allowing the heart to grow fonder.
Okay, so the heart is growing fonder. But, the relationship is also completely dormant. You are living on a decaying foundation. As human beings, and especially as young human beings, our personalities are constantly evolving. How can you blame us? We ride the waves, the waves of change that are the 21st century, a century in which your iPod is the most recent version for a couple months tops. A 1975 study by Nahemow and Lawton lends itself to this argument. It was found that the relationships of distanced friends were founded on similarities. Inherent similarities keep the relationship alive and kicking.
So...out of sight out of mind? Not quite, again. In a study by Macrae and colleagues, it was found that thoughts have sort of a rebound effect. The more we attempt to repress a thought, the more it prevalent it makes itself in our thoughts. When something, or someone, is out of sight and we are trying not to think about them, they're on our mind more than ever. Can't feel bad about that one. If you are being physically avoided by an individual, chances are, they are completely incapable of mentally avoiding you. You're in their head. Promise.
Part of me wants not to muse over this topic any longer. If the controversy applies to a separation from a specific individual, is the friendship even strong enough for me to remain in hot pursuit? Is it worth maintaining the dormant relationship? Granted, relationships do exist in which the participants can start up the engine no matter where or when they left off. Still, it seems almost silly to fight this.
If both individuals genuinely believe that the friendship is worth not only maintaining but also nourishing, then the absence will make the heart grow fonder. The eternal spark and drive to see each other again to share inside jokes and create new ones will perpetuate the excitement and love of the relationship.
So I guess it's a two-way tie. For the strong, long-standing relationships, the heart just keeps growing fonder. It's the weaker ones that wither away when out of sight. And I'm fine with that. Because it probably wasn't worth pursuing in the first place.
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