I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You
"Never tell someone something unless you don't mind it written across your high school blackboards."
Possibly one of the most useful pieces of advice I've ever received...and the most impractical. It is physically impossible to remain bottled up indefinitely. The thoughts and emotions bubble and boil under your skin like lava and sooner or later, erupt. But there is very little about myself that I would choose to write on a blackboard at my high school (all due respect, K-life). So where is the balance? How can you remain a dormant volcano while also avoiding the eerie sounds of chalk scratching blackboard?
Trust.
Trust is one of those abstract concepts whose existence is never certain. In fact, it is completely overlooked in several domains of life. Take Game Theory for example. Most games are crafted so that payoffs completely disregard ethical concerns and morality. Players are rational. They act in their best interest. There is no pretense of trust. In fact, to trust your opponent, to convince yourself that he or she has altruistic motives, is utterly ridiculous. Welcome to sub-game perfect equilibrium where it is crazy to trust.
I say that trust is never certain because we can't ever be sure that our secrets (in the loosest form of the word) are being kept. How do you know that your confidant isn't, at the first chance possible, turning to his confidant to relay the message? You don't. Unless it tumbles through the grapevine and ends up knocking at your door.
We've all started sentences with "Don't tell anyone but..." And we've all been approached by sentences that begin in a similar fashion. Oh if we had a nickel for every time that we've ignored this request and "gotten it off our chest." And sure, most of the time the breech of trust isn't tragic. You tell someone completely removed from the situation and the truster and entrusted remain unharmed.
But what about the malicious sharing of content by the entrusted with another who is deeply entrenched in the situation? How does one justify the action? How does it feel to be sharing information that another person trusted you to safeguard with your life? Thankfully this emotion is foreign to me. Quasi drama queen moment: It's shocking to know that there are people out there who consciously choose to disrespect the trust.
"Juicy gossip" is juicy for approximately seven minutes. But losing someone's trust is losing someone's trust forever.
There are very few people in this world that to whom an individual can turn when they are at that erupting volcano stage. Unfortunately, the erupting volcano is contagious. It's only so long until the lava of your deepest secret, once bubbling inside of you, is spurting out of another.
At the risk of being labeled an unfortunate cynic, when it comes to trust, we're walking the tightest rope. The good news is that you aren't always going to come crashing down. Someday, someone will surprise you with his ability to soak it up, never to be wrung out. To be your blank slate to write all over. A private blackboard hidden inside a locker, never to see the light of day.
But until we find that "someone," it suffices to know that dog really is a man's best friend.
Possibly one of the most useful pieces of advice I've ever received...and the most impractical. It is physically impossible to remain bottled up indefinitely. The thoughts and emotions bubble and boil under your skin like lava and sooner or later, erupt. But there is very little about myself that I would choose to write on a blackboard at my high school (all due respect, K-life). So where is the balance? How can you remain a dormant volcano while also avoiding the eerie sounds of chalk scratching blackboard?
Trust.
Trust is one of those abstract concepts whose existence is never certain. In fact, it is completely overlooked in several domains of life. Take Game Theory for example. Most games are crafted so that payoffs completely disregard ethical concerns and morality. Players are rational. They act in their best interest. There is no pretense of trust. In fact, to trust your opponent, to convince yourself that he or she has altruistic motives, is utterly ridiculous. Welcome to sub-game perfect equilibrium where it is crazy to trust.
I say that trust is never certain because we can't ever be sure that our secrets (in the loosest form of the word) are being kept. How do you know that your confidant isn't, at the first chance possible, turning to his confidant to relay the message? You don't. Unless it tumbles through the grapevine and ends up knocking at your door.
We've all started sentences with "Don't tell anyone but..." And we've all been approached by sentences that begin in a similar fashion. Oh if we had a nickel for every time that we've ignored this request and "gotten it off our chest." And sure, most of the time the breech of trust isn't tragic. You tell someone completely removed from the situation and the truster and entrusted remain unharmed.
But what about the malicious sharing of content by the entrusted with another who is deeply entrenched in the situation? How does one justify the action? How does it feel to be sharing information that another person trusted you to safeguard with your life? Thankfully this emotion is foreign to me. Quasi drama queen moment: It's shocking to know that there are people out there who consciously choose to disrespect the trust.
"Juicy gossip" is juicy for approximately seven minutes. But losing someone's trust is losing someone's trust forever.
There are very few people in this world that to whom an individual can turn when they are at that erupting volcano stage. Unfortunately, the erupting volcano is contagious. It's only so long until the lava of your deepest secret, once bubbling inside of you, is spurting out of another.
At the risk of being labeled an unfortunate cynic, when it comes to trust, we're walking the tightest rope. The good news is that you aren't always going to come crashing down. Someday, someone will surprise you with his ability to soak it up, never to be wrung out. To be your blank slate to write all over. A private blackboard hidden inside a locker, never to see the light of day.
But until we find that "someone," it suffices to know that dog really is a man's best friend.
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