And They're Talking It To Me
Speech is a dangerous form of communication. It builds bridges...and burns them. It fosters closeness then goes behind your back and fosters adversity. At times, it is the perfect fix and at others, the worst. Words are not always smaller than actions and sometimes they do hurt more than sticks and stones. And the worst part is, even if we know which words are appropriate, sometimes it's unclear when it is appropriate to use them.
When my cousin was younger, he used to get in trouble for only one thing. After all, he practices piano religiously, passionately leads his soccer team, and well, homework is homework. All said and done, he used to get yelled at almost daily. It went something like, "Use your words!" It used to take a lot to get him to talk. He would let his thoughts or frustration build up inside him and then, with almost no warning (except getting really red in the face), explode. I guess it runs in the family.
While I don't deny this sage advice, I'd like to propose an addend. Something like "Use your words (almost always)."
I've been wrestling with the idea that speech is always the right answer. Take friends. Is it really true that we tell our closest friends everything? What about those times that we've kept things from our nearest and dearest so that they wouldn't get hurt? The times that words seemed insufficient. The times when words would have only ruined the silence.
Speech has a way of taking creative liberties, even when they are unwelcome. It takes our thoughts and emotions and blows them up so they linger in the air before they disappear (some float to oblivion, others smash to the ground). We say what we don't mean and we don't mean what we say.
And once words leave our mouth, we completely lose control of them. They are repeated to help and to harm. People tell what is not theirs to tell. People hear what they wish they heard from someone else...or wish they had never heard. And we can never be sure of what is being heard and what is being said.
Sometimes, nothing we do can fully substitute speech. Ever played charades? But sometimes, our most powerful feelings cannot and should not be expressed in words.
Say what you need to say. But make sure you actually need to say it. And when you do, make sure that you are telling those who you want to tell and those who want to listen. Telling someone can hurt him; then again, so can not telling him. That's about as close to a speech manual you are ever going to get...unless it's a textbook for your linguistics class. After all, speech is a double-edged sword.
So no, I don't say everything on my mind. I don't tell everyone everything. And for the most part, I won't say it unless it's something I could write in words. And sign my name to.
-Ro
When my cousin was younger, he used to get in trouble for only one thing. After all, he practices piano religiously, passionately leads his soccer team, and well, homework is homework. All said and done, he used to get yelled at almost daily. It went something like, "Use your words!" It used to take a lot to get him to talk. He would let his thoughts or frustration build up inside him and then, with almost no warning (except getting really red in the face), explode. I guess it runs in the family.
While I don't deny this sage advice, I'd like to propose an addend. Something like "Use your words (almost always)."
I've been wrestling with the idea that speech is always the right answer. Take friends. Is it really true that we tell our closest friends everything? What about those times that we've kept things from our nearest and dearest so that they wouldn't get hurt? The times that words seemed insufficient. The times when words would have only ruined the silence.
Speech has a way of taking creative liberties, even when they are unwelcome. It takes our thoughts and emotions and blows them up so they linger in the air before they disappear (some float to oblivion, others smash to the ground). We say what we don't mean and we don't mean what we say.
And once words leave our mouth, we completely lose control of them. They are repeated to help and to harm. People tell what is not theirs to tell. People hear what they wish they heard from someone else...or wish they had never heard. And we can never be sure of what is being heard and what is being said.
Sometimes, nothing we do can fully substitute speech. Ever played charades? But sometimes, our most powerful feelings cannot and should not be expressed in words.
Say what you need to say. But make sure you actually need to say it. And when you do, make sure that you are telling those who you want to tell and those who want to listen. Telling someone can hurt him; then again, so can not telling him. That's about as close to a speech manual you are ever going to get...unless it's a textbook for your linguistics class. After all, speech is a double-edged sword.
So no, I don't say everything on my mind. I don't tell everyone everything. And for the most part, I won't say it unless it's something I could write in words. And sign my name to.
-Ro
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