Telephone Blues
The second I obtained my iPhone this past summer (3Gs ftw), I boldly stated that I could erase boredom from my vocabulary. Never again would I have to idly and awkwardly wait outside a restaurant for a late lunch date or stare at other cars during long rides (as a passenger, of course). From bird identification apps to ones that generate the optimal moment for using the restroom during a movie, there really is something for everyone and every situation. The modern-day phone (and it’s breadth, depth, and potential) has been the basis for many of my conversations. But ironically, this conversation starter is also, in a way, a conversation killer.
Upon entering college, I was shocked that students used their phones during class. Obviously they were not making phone calls, but texting and emailing was not uncommon. I was shocked because at my high school (K-Life!) classes were small enough that every student felt accountable for paying attention as a sign of respect, if nothing else. Looking down at a phone while someone is lecturing right in front of you is just blatantly disrespectful. We all know that, but we’re all guilty of engaging in the act.
When one of my professors paused from his lecture last week to ask a student to put his phone away, there was an air of surprise among the rest of the class. It seemed that our professor had wronged the student, when according to conventional rules of student conduct, the student had wronged our professor. Today, our phones are so much a part of our lives that we are almost taken aback when we are asked to keep our phones out of sight. Still, there are certain situations, those in which there are strict rules, figures of authority, or conventions, in which we all agree to silence and ignore all mobile devices -- movie theaters, airplanes, the driver’s seat, and job interviews to name a few. Nothing entertains me more than the simultaneous power-on sound that echoes through a plane at touch down.
These specific situations, however, are few and far between. There’s no question that our world is changing and that these gadgets are here for to stay. The difficulty lies in our ability as a society to agree upon new social conventions. When is it okay to pick up a phone call or respond to a text? When is it absolutely necessary to pick up a phone call or respond to a text? The extreme cases are obvious but not frequent. It’s the in-between that’s hazy. I’ve never talked to a wall before, but I can confidently state that I know exactly how it feels, and you probably do too. Allow me: You are in a fix and need a pair of ears. You go off on your tirade to you friend who is sitting across from you. Your friend is looking down at his phone the entire time. You stop talking and there is no acknowledgment. Minutes later, he looks up and asks you to repeat what you just said. Most of the time you just let it go. “Never mind,” you say with a shrug.
We all agree that eye contact indicates that a listener is attending to a speaker. That a listener acknowledges and respects the fact that something is being said. The behavior is one that is deep-rooted in our culture. But when it comes to phone calls and texts, when is it considered disrespectful not to pick up or send a quick and immediate response? When presented with both real-life and mobile interaction at the same time, there is no convention for which takes precedence, and it will likely be years before we have widely accepted rules. Until then, it’s up to us to use our phones for good not evil. For the sake of preserving face-to-face interaction, perhaps it’s time we imposed the “out of sight, out of mind” rule for our phones. Not the person sitting across from us.
Upon entering college, I was shocked that students used their phones during class. Obviously they were not making phone calls, but texting and emailing was not uncommon. I was shocked because at my high school (K-Life!) classes were small enough that every student felt accountable for paying attention as a sign of respect, if nothing else. Looking down at a phone while someone is lecturing right in front of you is just blatantly disrespectful. We all know that, but we’re all guilty of engaging in the act.
When one of my professors paused from his lecture last week to ask a student to put his phone away, there was an air of surprise among the rest of the class. It seemed that our professor had wronged the student, when according to conventional rules of student conduct, the student had wronged our professor. Today, our phones are so much a part of our lives that we are almost taken aback when we are asked to keep our phones out of sight. Still, there are certain situations, those in which there are strict rules, figures of authority, or conventions, in which we all agree to silence and ignore all mobile devices -- movie theaters, airplanes, the driver’s seat, and job interviews to name a few. Nothing entertains me more than the simultaneous power-on sound that echoes through a plane at touch down.
These specific situations, however, are few and far between. There’s no question that our world is changing and that these gadgets are here for to stay. The difficulty lies in our ability as a society to agree upon new social conventions. When is it okay to pick up a phone call or respond to a text? When is it absolutely necessary to pick up a phone call or respond to a text? The extreme cases are obvious but not frequent. It’s the in-between that’s hazy. I’ve never talked to a wall before, but I can confidently state that I know exactly how it feels, and you probably do too. Allow me: You are in a fix and need a pair of ears. You go off on your tirade to you friend who is sitting across from you. Your friend is looking down at his phone the entire time. You stop talking and there is no acknowledgment. Minutes later, he looks up and asks you to repeat what you just said. Most of the time you just let it go. “Never mind,” you say with a shrug.
We all agree that eye contact indicates that a listener is attending to a speaker. That a listener acknowledges and respects the fact that something is being said. The behavior is one that is deep-rooted in our culture. But when it comes to phone calls and texts, when is it considered disrespectful not to pick up or send a quick and immediate response? When presented with both real-life and mobile interaction at the same time, there is no convention for which takes precedence, and it will likely be years before we have widely accepted rules. Until then, it’s up to us to use our phones for good not evil. For the sake of preserving face-to-face interaction, perhaps it’s time we imposed the “out of sight, out of mind” rule for our phones. Not the person sitting across from us.
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