West Coast Friendship

To this day, I chuckle when I think about the fact that my college housemate, who has also become one of my closest friends, went to high school with me. A graduating class of one hundred and sixty-some odd students. A high school where everyone "knew" everyone. I chuckle because we never spoke during our four years of high school, and when we did first start interacting, it was via IM the summer between high school and college (insert joke about my thriving Gchat life here).

What I find especially interesting about this pleasant turn of events is that we are so compatible -- our interests, our humor -- that on numerous occasions we have found ourselves asking how we were not friends before. We had different groups of friends and simply no way of recognizing the potential for friendship. I blame social psychology's ingroup and outgroup biases. We naturally view people in our "group" (nothing official, anything, a favorite color, can constitute a group) as similar to ourselves and those who are not as different.

During my freshman year of college, my dance group was introducing itself to a singing group before our show. I introduced myself and mentioned that I was from the Bay Area. A few people after me, my now good friend said that he too was from the Bay Area. There was general excitement (as is to be expected of any mention of the Bay Area) when someone asked whether we knew each other before college. I said "no" and he said "yes." Simultaneously. He interpreted "know" to mean, "Did you briefly meet at a mutual friend's house the summer before college?" and I interpreted "know" to mean, "Were you best friends before college?" What I will say is that when we return to the west coast and people ask whether we knew each other in college, we will both (hopefully, unless he takes revenge) answer with a resounding "yes."

There is nothing I enjoy more than the transformation of an acquaintance into a friendship. It is so fulfilling and comforting to become closer to those who surround you in your daily life.

Unfortunately, it is a two-way street. With the blink of an eye, a friendship can mutate into an acquaintance. A person with whom you have, at some point, been inseparable, may suddenly seem like a complete stranger.

On this rare occasion, I lament the birth of social networking sites. Nothing like Facebook to constantly remind you of your falling out with an old friend be it due to something so trivial as distance to something more consequential. Feeling like a complete outsider to his or her social goings-on.

The good news is that there are far more speed bumps on that return trip. Though it is difficult to clear the hurdle between acquaintance and friendship, it is exponentially harder for that established connection and understanding to be unquestioningly thrown to the dogs. I'm going to end with some unsolicited advice: we should minimize our traveling the return-trip as much as possible. Make friends, then make the effort to keep them. Eric Matthews of Boy Meets World said it best. Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.