Somewhere Between Unsure and A Hundred

In first and second grade, the hundredth day of school was a big deal. There was cake. Each student also brought in an arts and crafts project made of one hundred items. One year I made something out of 100 pennies (no, not a dollar bill). By the fifth grade, though, the one hundredth day was just another day of school, a manifestation of the jadedness that comes with growing up. But today, as a salute to childhood, I'm going to treat the hundredth as something special again. Welcome to my one hundredth post.

I'm always asked about my motivations for starting a blog. A public space for people to read my thoughts. And well, there are several. The immediate catalyst was my dad's blog. My dad has a blog? I guess he's pretty cool. So I started one to keep my friends and family updated on my summer abroad in France and test out the whole "blogger" lifestyle. Once back in the states, I couldn't give it up (once a blogger, always a blogger, ignoring the fact that my dad has abandoned his). But it wasn't just my wanting to be like my dad. I've been writing since the days when the one hundredth day of school meant something. I tried my hand at short stories, poetry, essays, and my high school (ask me about my editor and his red marking pen) and college newspapers.

But I always had an unfair preference for my personal journals. Though they started out as dull accounts of my daily activities, they became much more profound over the years. It was therapeutic for me. It was in writing one such entry that I realized I couldn't be the only person who had ever had these thoughts or feelings. Why not share this with others? After all, humans are naturally social creatures. I still keep a personal journal for those this-is-such-a-personal-achievement and scream-into-your-pillow moments, but I could never choose between blog and journal (yes, an instance of my life in which technology doesn't have the obvious upper hand).

There's nothing quite like flipping back through the archives of your own life. Through the best and worst of times, some show personal growth while others are universally applicable (and in hindsight, most are kind of humorous). Here are some highlights from my personal journals up until 2008, when I started this blog.

July 5, 1997 Today I went biking five miles with Sam and Nick. Nick is kind of weird. I think he is a little wee bit annoying. He acts as rough as Sam. Boys! (A pain!) Then we played Clue. In 6 days is my birthday party. I can't wait until I get all those presents!

December 20, 1998 Today it snowed in San Jose! Can you believe that? Probably the first time in 50 years if I'm not mistaken! I was amazed. I've seen snow before, just lying on the ground, but not in the process of coming to hit the ground.

August 21, 1999 Today was my birthday and my brother gave me this journal as a present. I am going to use this as a diary where I can write all my thoughts and ideas. Before I do, I would like to thank my brother for this present, and will always respect this book, and write important things in it.

December 22, 2002 I just discovered that South Africa makes the best tomato juice.

July 12, 2001 The Lance Burton show was excellent. He even made a car drive up in the air in front of a starry background. It was really cool. I wish I could find out how he did it. At the theater, during the show, a guy screamed, "How did you do that?" Lance answered, "I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." The guy answered, "Then will you tell my wife?" It was really funny!

November 29, 2002 I was hurt. I really really was. I was hurt because of the lack of integrity of my one friend and the accusation of the other, the unjust belief that she was part of this.

February 14, 2004 My life has changed a lot recently. For one thing, I got glasses. Okay, it's pissing me off that this brand new pen barely works.

July 29, 2005 Wow, writing this made the lump in my throat subside and the butterflies go away. Such consolation.

February 17, 2006 I've made some great friends on this team. I'm so sad it's over. I can't believe it's my senior night.

May 5, 2007 I never realized the bittersweet nature of college summers -- live with friends, eat with friends, spend every waking hour with friends, then boom. No in-person contact for four months.

Unlike a personal journal, a blog lets you share and gets others thinking. And though I love to hear those thoughts, I rarely do. I've lost count of the number of times I have started telling a story and been interrupted with, "I think you've told me this before." I'll look back, puzzled. I'm pretty sure I haven't..."Are you sure? I mean maybe." "Oh actually, never mind. I read about this in your blog." In having a blog, you learn to accept that people are going to know a lot about you (well, how much ever you volunteer, kind of like Facebook). These can be people you know well or people with whom you've never spoken previously. The mystery is kind of thrilling.

I should probably sign off before this post hits one hundred pages. The hundredth day of school came sometime in February -- nowhere close to the end of the school year. It was a landmark but there was no finality in it. I'll conclude with that adult mindset. This is just another post.