People Are Just People Like You

I can almost always predict how people will react when I tell them I studied psychology. Not because I have psychic powers, but because the reaction is usually the same. An uncomfortable "Oh cool" followed by a silence that asks, "Crap has she been psychoanalyzing me this whole time?" (Good news, the answer is no.) The truth is, it takes much more than an introduction to get a deep and meaningful understanding of a person. Yes, first impressions are important. Yes, sometimes they say it all. But most of the time people surprise you. People are so different from one another that it is impossible to apply general theories or trends before getting to know them. And in my mind, this is the most difficult aspect of the study of human psychology. From what I've learned so far, I can say that it's not as much about understanding people as it is about being more perceptive to people's behaviors.

During our first night in Nice, my friend and I strolled to the beach where we sat by the water and pondered life. Our lives, to be more specific. There is something so contemplative about the ocean. At one point, a man in his mid-twenties came and sat down next to us. He mentioned that he was a professor of Philosophy in Paris. He told us about his ambitions, his interests. As the conversation progressed, I just felt as if something was off. His mysterious black duffel bag didn't help. And when he told me that his favorite part of Paris was the Eiffel Tower, I was even more convinced. Why would he name the most touristy of touristy spots if he has been living in Paris for ten years? Finally, he reached for a beer from his duffel bag. When he unzipped the bag, I saw that it was filled with philosophy books. Call me a cynic, but I was surprised by the truth of his story. As we walked away from the beach, I admitted to my friend that I had completely misread the man. I try to assume the best in people she responded. We walked in silence as I grappled with the "fine line" of that assumption.

Last year around this time, my friend was physically assaulted by a complete stranger as she was walking back to her off campus apartment. Completely unwarranted. He beat her up before running away into the night. To this day, I thank my (and her) lucky stars that she is okay. It's hard to "assume the best in people" when they commit such depraved acts.

Yesterday, due to inclement weather, five coworkers and I found ourselves stranded at the top of a mountain. We had hiked the 4.6 miles up, but were reluctant to hike back to the valley while it was hailing. I inquired in the gift shop as to the best way to return to the ground without walking. You can hitchhike. People are really nice here. Especially with this weather, you can definitely find rides the cashier said matter of factly. As someone who doesn't own a car, I have occasionally joked about hitchhiking. However, I have never considered it to be a legitimate option. There is too much that could go wrong. But desperate times called for desperate measures. To make a long story short, we split into groups of two and found rides.

Though I was offended by those who rejected us, I realize that drivers are not going to "assume the best" in hitchhikers. It's a two way street. The couple that drove me back was celebrating their fourth wedding anniversary. The husband is a farmer in Central California, his speciality being almonds, peaches, and the grapes used to make Franzia (a beverage so near and dear to many of us). The wife handed us goldfish and water bottles. I have water for both of you, she said, as if she had been expecting us. She mentioned that she was so happy to do her "good deed for the day."

Not everyone will treat a complete stranger like a longtime friend. Not everyone walking down the street is going to assault you. Most people sit somewhere in between the extremes of utter selflessness and immoral maliciousness (hopefully closer to the former). Still, when it comes to people, you can never make assumptions. I wish for the best in people, but I can't assume it. In most situations, I live by the most useful piece of advice I have ever received, coincidentally from a teacher whose last name is Saint: You don't have to like everyone. You just have to respect them.