A good listener is a silent flatterer

It was just a typical day in my fourth-grade classroom. Our four-person table groups were working on a collaborative activity revolving around long division. As the session progressed, tempers began to rise at my table, mainly because I had a bumpy friendship with one of the boys at the table. We were constantly bickering, be it on the tetherball courts or during Language Arts. On this particular occasion, we were unhappy with the way the activity had played out. Our two other group members were probably cowering in fear as the argument between my "friend" and I escalated to what is the exact opposite of an inside voice. Completely consumed by the argument, I was suddenly brought back to reality when I caught sight of my teacher from the corner of my eye.

She was standing at the front of the room, on her fifth attempt at that call-response clapping thing that all elementary school teachers do when it is time to come back together. All the other groups and the two angels in mine had responded by the second call. The classroom had apparently been pin-drop silent as students enjoyed the off-Broadway performance taking place at my table. Everyone is dismissed for recess, my teacher announced. She then locked eyes with me. I'd like you and Aaron to stay back for a minute. I watched on as my peers filed out of the classroom, my heart pounding as I anticipated my fate.

That was the first time (and in my defense, one of the few times) I got in trouble at school. I still remember trembling as I filled out a very official form (complete with pink and yellow carbon copies) explaining the situation and my behavior. I didn't listen to Ms. Pittock, I wrote. It was more than this, though. I hadn't even heard her.

To this day, I am puzzled by the fact that I missed those call-responses. One minute everyone had been talking and enjoying the activity and the next, everyone was quiet as a mouse. Everyone except for myself and Aaron, of course. Classic cocktail party effect.

During one of our many conversations over the years of my college internship, my manager said to me out of the blue, You are a very good listener. I cocked my head to the side, as would a dog when addressed. I was puzzled as to why she had singled out such a basic skill, if you could even call it that. As if she had listened in on my thoughts, she continued with a knowing smile, You'd be surprised how hard it is for some people.

The internship opened my eyes to the absolute necessity of listening, no matter what industry. In this case it was listening to employee voices when designing our internal research sand box. Listening to customer needs and expectations when designing and redesigning our product. Consumers love feeling like they have power in the creation of products they use.

Politics is another arena in which listening is key. Yesterday, I stumbled across this op-ed piece in the New York Times, which asserts that in times of revolution, the most important thing we can do is listen. Simply put, people like to be heard. And in this age where instant response prevails, it's and important fact to remember. In middle school, one of my friends ran for student body president. Over the years, he had come to be known has having "big ears." His campaign posters sported a picture of his face and the tag line, These big ears are made for listening. This selling point addressed, what in my opinion, is the most important quality of a leader.

It's the ability to listen that makes dog man's best friend. And it's this skill that has also advanced dogs as a species. A recent study has shown that a border collie's ability to patiently listen to its owner has allowed it to learn about a thousand nouns and parse human language. We can learn a lot about listening when it comes to dogs. Listening, which is seemingly so passive, is quite powerful. Even if you don't understand. Even if you don't agree. The least we can do is hear someone out. Whenever I talk to her, my dog, through patience and eye contact, forms a meaningful connection that I sometimes have difficulty establishing with other humans.

There is nothing that frustrates me more than the darting eyes of someone with whom I'm speaking. Than the sound of key-tapping during a phone conversation. Than the constant interjection of someone who, rather than listening, is thinking about what to say next. In the most recent episode of Modern Family, Jay comments, "You can't have a successful marriage without being a good listener. Sometimes it takes work, sometimes it takes a lot of work, and sometimes, it's just excruciating." If you ask me, this advice is applicable not just to successful marriage but to any successful human interaction.

It was on that fateful day in the fourth grade that I recognized the importance of listening. Listening to your elders. Listening to your peers. Listening to yourself. Thinking back to the vicious cycle in which my friend and I continually aimed to drown out one another's voice with the sound of our own, I can say with certainty that the beautiful perk of being a good listener is that in turn, others will listen to you.