Anything that's worth having is worth asking for

If there's one thing radio talkshow hosts are especially good at, it's taking seemingly trivial occurrences and spinning them into huge ethical dilemmas or heavy discussions on morals and values. And I'll admit, I find this to be vastly entertaining during my drive in to work.

A couple weeks ago, the topic was Mariah Carey's baby shower gift registry. The list was in question due to one particular request: two stuffed animal giraffes. It wasn't that Mariah had asked for two (she's expecting twins). The shocking part was the price of each giraffe -- twelve hundred dollars. I've never been in the market for one, but for that price, couldn't you purchase a real-life giraffe? Immediately, listeners started calling to weigh in on the conversation. As a person who rarely asks for things, I found the "wish" to be a little absurd.

Astonishingly, the debate elicited by Mariah's gift-registry was rather thought-provoking (usually I take people calling in as my cue to change the station). There was of course, the predictable side of the argument: How can she make such lavish requests when there are newborns who will be hard-pressed to receive basic necessities? But on the other hand: Her request is not absurd because she can afford the giraffes herself. It's probably normal to her. And Well, there's no harm in asking. There are other items on the list. Nobody is obligated to purchase the giraffes. Then It's a gift registry -- it's meant for people to ask for things versus No! A gift registry is meant for people to ask for things they need, not useless things they want. Riveting.

Despite the fact that I didn't outwardly ask for things as a kid, I still, in addition to getting things that I needed, got things that I wanted. An occasional new set of clothes waiting for me on my bed when I got home from school. The "it"-toy of the season. Parents have an uncanny ability to read minds. Or, kids just aren't very subtle.

As you grow up, your wants and needs become less obvious to others. And few people outside your family will go out of their way to make sure you have what you need, let alone what you want. It becomes more and more up to you to make requests you deem appropriate. I typically find myself restricted by a fear of rejection or indecision and uncertainty (as in, "Do I really want this?"). Perhaps there is such a thing as being too philosophical for your own good.

Last week I was in a bagel shop waiting to pick up my order. A mom and her young daughter walked in. Like an insect drawn to a tube light, the child bee-lined it to the pastry window. "I want that," she said, pointing to a chocolate-sprinkle donut. "No. That is too sugary. This is a bagel shop. You have to get a bagel here," the mom responded. To the child, this reasoning was irrelevant, and frankly unconvincing. "I want that," the child repeated. "How about a chocolate chip bagel? It's like a donut," the mom offered. As I watched on, I thought Wow. Good for the girl for trying. It's clearly a bad decision and her mom is obviously right, but good for her for being persistent. She has already mastered the door-in-the-face technique. That will take her far.

Here's the thing. Once you're out in the world carving your own path, you cannot expect to get things you want unless you ask for them. And "asking for things" loses that negative connotation that it has when a spoiled child asks for, and expects to receive, every silly thing he or she asks for on a whim. Part of maturing is understanding what you need in order to thrive as a human being. The next step is to go out and obtain those things. You accept that things might not always work out, but if you are practical and patient, there is usually a way to eventually get there. That's what success is about. Creating opportunities by asking for them.

In most cases, as long as you believe in your cause and have a reason for asking, the worst that will happen is that someone will say no. And most of the time, this will lead to a compromise in which you will eat a chocolate-chip bagel instead of a donut. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is still breakfast.