Empathy is like giving someone a psychological hug

This past Wednesday, as a part of a company-wide wellness initiative, I had a blood test. I should probably mention now that to say blood makes me queasy would be an understatement. After fasting for twelve hours beforehand, I went to my appointment. I was seated in a chair in front of an apathetic nurse.

Without saying a word, she started pressing the veins on my arms and hands. How much water did you drink this morning? I think she was asking but it sounded like she was scolding. Already anxious, my heart started racing. Um...I don't know...like a couple water bottles. She scoffed. How big was the water bottle? Without warning she inserted a needle into my hand. Yes, my hand. Shooting pain accompanied. Oh, you're already starting? I wanted to look away. I can't look at this. I don't know. The bottle was maybe eight or um...My world started spinning. I think I'm going to faint, I told her. Her response astounded me. Stop moving! How much water did you drink today? I think I'm going to faint, I repeated. She pulled the needle out of my hand and looked at me frustrated. Do you want to go lie against that wall? I responded that I needed water. I could feel my body temperature rising; my world was still spinning. With a look that said, "fetching water is not in my job description," the nurse reluctantly went to find some water, but not before pointing to another nurse and stating Go sit in that chair. He'll help you.

I moved to the new chair and waited nervously. Finally, it was my turn again. The nurse started out with some small talk. Oh, here's a really good vein, he exclaimed as he pressed my arm. Now if you want to look away, I'm going to start. I looked away. He continued talking. So I heard you say you were going to faint before? Sheepish, I answered his question affirmatively. Well you know, I tend to have that effect on women he said with a chuckle. But seriously, don't worry. Anxiety coupled with watching it will always do the trick. And there we go, we're done! Since I had not even realized when he started drawing my blood, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I was good to go.

Since my appointment, I haven't stopped thinking about my shockingly disparate experiences with two people who have the exact same job. The male nurse's compassion, empathy, and sense of humor made him absolutely perfect for such an uncomfortable job. And the first nurse's stoic carelessness made her the completely wrong fit. If you ask me, she might find her calling as a prison guard. You can't just plug anyone into any occupation and expect success. Plugs into sockets, yes, but not people.

I'm often asked about my reasoning for having studied psychology, especially since I chose to work at a technology company. My response is pretty simple: I chose psychology because I knew that as long as there were other humans around me, no matter where I went or what I did after college, I'd get to use my major. The ability to connect with others on a deep level, to attribute their behaviors to situations rather than a disposition, to break down barriers built by cognitive biases and heuristics, and to portray yourself as emotionally intelligent is at the heart of success in any environment -- collaborating with others and building software for small businesses included. In my opinion, the first nurse was bad at her job because she lacked fundamental interpersonal skills. She couldn't connect.

Today, I attended the Bay Area Maker Faire, a D-I-Y tech, science, crafts, and food fair. Google's booth boasted a robot powered by a Nexus One. I was amazed. It was revolutionary. It waved. It shook my hand. It gave hugs. But despite going through the motions, it was no human. Amidst the human behaviors, there was no human connection.

Unlike my first nurse who seemed to have woken up one morning and decided to go draw someone's blood, my choosing to work in tech was no accident. As we continue our foray into a world increasingly powered by technology, the biggest challenge will be to maintain a deep understanding of end-users: other humans. No matter what the job description. If you ask me, it's for this reason that the path from psychology to technology though unusual, is completely necessary.