Everybody is just a stranger

For someone who spent four years studying how and why people think and behave the way the do, I find myself being surprised by the humans around me rather often. Maybe too often. And though I realize I'm no psychology expert, I do believe that I'm probably above average (or, I'd like to believe that, given the years of loans I have begun to repay). It is scary for me to think about how others may experience this surprise more frequently than I.

Over the past few weeks, I've realized how easy it is for me to analyze and explain behaviors after the fact. He probably said this because...When she did this I knew...But in the moment, as personalities and actions are unraveling in front of you, it's almost impossible to know for a fact why. 

When it comes to interacting with the people who permeate my life, I operate under one very foundational principle: You don't have to like every single person out there, you just have to respect them (let's forget malicious criminals for a second). My tragic flaw, I'd say, is the distorted perception that everyone else is going through life with the same mindset. I think this is why I can't easily write off being disrespected, even by people with whom I'm not especially close.

Today, I was reflecting on the difference between strangers and friends. What is fascinating is that every single person in our lives (except maybe, your family), was at one point a stranger. One of my closest friends and I often joke about how we wasted so many years being strangers, not being friends. I always find it uplifting to track the flowering of a friendship, from stranger to acquaintance to friend. It's such a beautiful transformation. 

If you ask me, the biggest pitfall of modern day social-networking sites is that we, perhaps unconsciously, assume that transformation from stranger happens with every single person that comes into our lives, when really, most deserve to remain in the stranger category, or to one day graduate into an acquaintance. This, in turn, means we expect from them the qualities of true friends -- trustworthiness, care, honesty, love. So when strangers or acquaintances fail to deliver on the basic qualities of a good friend, we are taken aback, in the least. 

Having recently moved to a new city, I have been exposed to many strangers. More than in quite a while. If I were to chart out the relationships (#nerdmoment) I'd say everyone started out at the same point (good person until it proves otherwise, right?). Noteworthy, though not surprising, is the data points of interactions, and connecting these points, the sheer number of different paths -- roller coasters, hockey sticks, steep declines, plateaus, and beautiful inclines. All these people, were once, and almost at the same time, strangers. 

I'm reminded today, how easy it is to be consumed by those steep declines. To wonder how they could have turned out differently. To wonder if you would have liked for them to turn out differently. To wonder why they turned out the way they did. To, in turn, forget how blessed you are for those uphill-ones. After all, the human condition is plagued by the power of negativity over positivity. 

Before this post gets too "Zen," I'll share one recommendation: Focusing on anything other than the wonderful, positive interactions in life, would just be a waste of your time. Respect them all but pour love into the ones that are real. It's not that you don't deserve the others, it's just that they don't deserve you.